Shattering Secrets
by TVHollywoodDiva
Summary: Rachel's life is irreversibly changed after a summer trip to Julliard in New York City. She needs her friends in glee now more than ever. Mentions rape. Rachel/Puck Romance; rest of glee friendships.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Rachel's life is irreversibly changed after a summer trip to Julliard in New York City. She needs her friends in glee now more than ever. Mentions rape. Rachel/Puck Romance; rest of glee friendships.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine; belongs to Fox and RM.

_Shattering Secrets _

_Chapter 1_

_Rachel was staring down at the white stick in hands. The plus sign that appeared in this moment would change her life forever. Seeing this small symbol made her think back to three months ago, when this all began._

_*Flashback*_

_Rachel had decided to spend the summer in New York City at a Juilliard summer program for potential students. She was so excited to spend the summer away from Lima and with people that had dreams and ambitions similar to hers. She was to leave Lima the night after school ended for the summer and had decided to forego the glee party in order to spend some time with her father's before leaving for the summer._

_They were all sitting on the couch watching RENT when her father decided to bring up a topic he had been avoiding._

_Hiram looked at her, murmuring, "Um, Star, daddy and I need to speak with you about our future plans."_

_Rachel turned and waited for him to speak._

_"Sweetie, your father and I were asked to be a part of 'Doctors Without Borders' for the next year and a half. The trip starts tomorrow as well, but we won't be here when you return. You'll be on your own for the time we're gone."_

_Rachel was shocked to say the least. She had never been alone for that long a time before._

_"You do realize you will be missing my senior prom and high school graduation, right?" she replied angrily._

_Rachel's outburst tugged on Leroy's heartstrings. He knew that this was a great opportunity that they could not pass up. He quickly spoke up before Rachel could go off on her tirade._

_"Star, I'm sorry but we have to go. They need us."_

_Rachel turned and stared at her father. She could not believe how selfish they were being. Granted, she had moments of selfishness for things like solos herself, but she had never missed any important moment in her fathers' lives. She was still seeing red when she replied to her daddy._

_"Fine. Go on your trip. But realize I will have graduated and be gone to New York by the time you return."_

_With that said, Rachel left the living room to finish packing. By morning, when she woke up to drive to the airport, her fathers had left without saying goodbye.  
><em> 

_*End of flashback* _

_**A/N: Thank you **_**PuckleberryShipper326 for helping with the "voice" of the story and editing as well as being very motivational. Also thanks to Cory Anne Stickel for being my beta reader. Please read and review and tell me what you think.**

**Kelli**


	2. Chapter 2

Shattering Secret

Chapter 2

Rachel's head was spinning. How was she going to take care of a child? She was 17 years old. Her father's were still out of the country, she had barely spoken to them while she was in New York and after the event, she avoided them altogether. She still did not know exactly what happened that night. Her mind could still only bring up bits and pieces.

_*Flashback*_

_Rachel was walking across the Juilliard campus late that night. She had stayed late in the auditorium to practice her solo piece for the next day and wanted to blow the teachers away with her powerful vocals. She had chosen "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables. Although she knew that song by heart, she knew she needed it to be perfect for the Juilliard professors. She wanted to prove that she deserves a spot in Julliard's freshman class of 2013._

_As she was about to turn the corner to her dorm, she felt someone grab her around the waist and drag her into the bushes around the building. Her brain was going so fast she could not even think to scream. It was like her fight or flight reflex was not kicking in. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her brain and muscles began to obey. She knew that she needed help so she began to scream and kick her attacker._

_As quickly as she started kicking him, she stopped at a flash of silver. Her attacker had pulled out a knife, putting it against her throat and pressing enough to draw blood. Any thought of screaming halted at the sharp pain. The last conscious thought Rachel had been was that she was going to die. Rachel did not remember anything else, her next conscious thought being waking up in the hospital with doctors surrounding her. Apparently a pedestrian had found her lying in the bushes and called an ambulance. They continued to her that she had been sexually assaulted and that her throat was deeply cut, so far that she may never be able to speak or sing ever again._

_*End of Flashback*_

Coming out of her flashback, Rachel reached up to her throat and felt the scar that took away her dreams.

_**A/N: Thank you **_**PuckleberryShipper326 for helping with the "voice" of the story and editing as well as being very motivational. Also thanks to Cory Anne Stickel for being my beta reader. Please read and review and tell me what you think.**

**Kelli**


	3. Chapter 3

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 3

_*Flashback*_

_Over the summer, he had tried to text Rachel, __that__ but she never responded. He had asked the other glee members if they had heard from her, and the answer was always no; so it was decided by her friends that Puck would go to the Berrys' house to check on her._

_*End of flashback*_

Puck knew Rachel had to be home: school was starting the next day. Besides: they were going to be seniors; Rachel wouldn't want to miss a single day. As he walked to the front door, he Puck felt a feeling of dread come over him. He tried the front door and, to his surprise, it was open. He knew the Berry's never left the door unlocked. His uneasiness grew as he entered the foyer, but he didn't see anything suspicious.

Puck tried the kitchen next, but nothing was out of place. In fact, it looked as if nothing had been used in a while. The house seemed dead. Without a second thought, he bounded upstairs to check the bedrooms, hoping he would find Rachel or her fathers. He walked down the hallway, and stopped in front of Leroy and Hiram's bedroom door. He slowly opened it, praying to God that he wouldn't find them hurt. When he looked inside the room, he realized that everything was in its place. The bed was made and the closet was closed. In fact, it looked like no one had been in there in months. One thought raced through Puck's mind: where was Rachel?

He quickly left the Berrys' bedroom, sprinting down the hallway to the door with gold stars that spelled out 'Rachel.' He knocked slowly and waited for an answer. When there was no response, he tried again, calling out to her.

Puck finally decided to try the doorknob. It made a soft click as it turned in his hands. He slowly opened the door, calling out to her again. "Rachel?"

Puck looked into the bedroom, and what he saw he shattered his heart in 1 into a million pieces.

Rachel was laying on her bed listening to a glee club CD of their favorite songs while she held a photo album of the club, tears cascading down her face. Finally, Puck regained his senses and went over to Rachel's bed, slowly sitting on the edge. He waited for her to speak, however, she was too deep in thoughts to realize that Puck was there. How was she going to live her life now that that monster had shattered all her hopes and dreams? In addition, she was carrying his baby!

Rachel once again touched her throat, suddenly letting out a heart-wrenching sob.

Puck was shocked by her outburst, without thinking twice, took her into his arms and began to try to calm her down.


	4. Chapter 4

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 4

Puck held Rachel for what seemed like forever, before her sobs settled into sniffles and soft whimpers. He was finally able to loosen his grip, but he kept his arm around her shoulder.

Rachel stared at him for a moment before motioning for the pen and paper on the nightstand. Puck was confused but reached for them anyway. After handing them to her, he watched as she began to write something down. When she turned the paper towards him, he began to read.

"Noah, what are you doing here?"

He couldn't understand why she wasn't carrying on a verbal conversation. Instead of writing back, he chose to speak.

"I came to check on you. No one had heard from you all summer and we were worried."

Rachel ducked her head to break eye contact. She began to write more and Puck was becoming frustrated with all the writing. Why couldn't she just speak? Finally she stopped writing, handing him the pad.

He read it, "Noah, I'm fine. Thank you for checking on me but, really, I'm fine."

He could read the pain she was hiding behind her words and his heart broke a little bit more for her. He took her face in his hands and gripped gently so she couldn't turn away, and then he spoke.

"Rachel, where are your dads? When did you come home? You weren't supposed to be home yet, right?"

Rachel looked at him and began to cry. She took the pad back and began to write again. Puck watched her hand floating across the page as he began to read the message she was writing.

"My fathers are on a trip with Doctors without Borders for the next 15 months. I came home three months ago, Noah."

Puck's eyes widened when he realized she had spent the summer alone. This whole time, everybody thought she was living her dream in New York City.

"Why didn't you let anyone know you were home Rach?"

All of a sudden, Rachel's eyes widened and she jumped off the bed and went racing for the bathroom. Puck was in such shock that it took him a few moments for what happened to register before he was following her to make sure she was okay. As he entered the bathroom, he saw Rachel bent over the toilet. He bent down and rubbed her back in little circles, his worry growing when he felt her flinch beneath his touch.

When she was finished, Rachel shrugged off his hand and headed back to the bedroom. Puck didn't follow her right away, his head still spinning with thoughts. He knew something was wrong and he was determined to find out what it was.


	5. Chapter 5

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 5

Puck watched again as Rachel fell into a heap on the bed and began to sob. Puck was at a loss of what to do for her. Rachel began to calm down and pulled at the neck of her sweater she was wearing. This had become her dress code as she couldn't stand to look at the scar that monster had left her with.

Meanwhile, Puck's thoughts were going wild, one question repeating in his mind. Is she pregnant? He refused to believe it, but it kept popping up along with the curiosity of what exactly happened to her. In a flash, Puck turned and entered the bathroom. He knew he should just go out there again and asked her but he couldn't handle another written conversation.

As he approached the sink, he saw the trashcan underneath with some oddly placed facial tissue just dropped in the can. He went over to the trashcan, crouched down, and started moving the excess out of the way. When he finally moves the last piece, he sees what he hoped he wouldn't find. He stares down at the pregnancy test and picks it up. He looked at it and realizes it is positive. He put on the floor and looks back into the barrel, finding another test with the same result. He moves that test out of the way and looks back into the garbage, his heart sinking even deeper when he finds yet another test with the same result. With shaky hands, he gathers them all up and takes them back to Rachel's room. He is scared and concerned for her. She is still lying on the bed when he approaches it and sits down.

Rachel feels the bed shift, and looks up at Puck, her eyes widening at what he's holding. She tries to shift away from him and the evidence he was holding. Puck sees her struggling to get away from him, so he gently puts her in a sitting position and begins to speak.

"Rachel, look at me. Something major is going on with you and I just want to help you. I can't help you if you don't talk to me. Please let me help you."

Rachel reaches over yet again for the paper and pen, writing furiously. When she finishes, she hands him the paper. He starts reading, trying to understand this new Rachel. His eyes widened bit by bit as he read each piece of new information.

"Noah, I can't talk anymore. I really wish I could, but I can't and this is the only way I know how to communicate now."

Puck turned to her just as she was pulling down her turtleneck to reveal the nasty scar she was left with. Puck could hardly hold in the tears as he looked at the red jigsaw scar covering her milky white skin. When shock of what he saw wore off, he finally spoke.

" What happened babe?"

Puck watched as Rachel tried to put together what she was about to say in writing. Tears started streaming down her face as she shakily began to recount the worst night of her life.

"During my first week at Julliard, I was working late in the auditorium on a solo for the professors showcase. The showcase was to evaluate us on our abilities and vocal ranges, and it was important I did my very best. When I finished for the night, it was 11 PM. I figured no one was around and that I would just quickly walk back to my dorm. On my way back, someone grabbed me around the waist and held a knife to my throat, dragging me into the bushes. After that, I blacked out. When I finally regained consciousness three weeks later, I was in the hospital being told by a doctor that I was sexually assaulted and my throat was slit, damaging my vocal chords and disabling my ability to sing or speak again. On top of that, they ran a rape kit and pregnancy tests while I was unconscious. It didn't give them any leads on who had attacked me but it revealed I was pregnant. I was discharged a few days after waking up and came home."

Rachel handed Puck the story of that terrible night and waited for his reaction. Puck slowly read the words on the page, having great difficulty processing all that had happened to his friend. He looked up at Rachel and saw the devastation and desperation on her face. She needed someone to help her. He knew she was lost and finally willing to reach out for help. He looked down at the pregnancy tests still on the bed and looked at Rachel. Rachel took the pad back and started writing.

"I was hoping the doctor was wrong. I have been taking tests every month when my cycle was supposed to start. I guess I was hoping that it would finally be negative."

Puck could understand her need for the test to be wrong after everything she had gone through, but that's not what he had in mind. Puck made a decision at that moment that he would help Rachel through this horrible trauma she had been alone long enough.


	6. Chapter 6

Shattering Secrets  
>Chapter 6<p>

After finding out what Rachel had been through, all Puck wanted to do was protect her. He also needed to find a way to get Rachel to "talk," but he figured he could deal with that at a later time. His first priority was making sure she safe at McKinley. Not only because she was pregnant, but because she had been traumatized enough. There would be no more name calling and bullying. She was dealing with enough pain; her peers didn't need to add to it. Puck felt enough guilt at being the one to start the high-school torture that plagued her on a daily basis, so if anyone harassed Rachel from now on, they would have to deal with _him_.

Puck looked over at Rachel, who was lying on her bed, and tried to figure out their next plan of action. He knew that they would need help dealing with what was in front of them.

First off, they needed to see if they could contact her fathers. Puck was surprised that they weren't home with her right now. However, if he had to guess, Rachel had decided not to contact them and deal with the situation on her own, which wasn't working. Even if they couldn't come home, they needed to know what was happening with their daughter. Puck didn't know how to contact them, but he would ask either Rachel or Mr. Schuester.

Then it dawned on Puck that they needed to tell the glee club that their leader and star could no longer speak or sing. How were they going to do _that?_

Puck decided to let Rachel sleep while he went downstairs to start breakfast. He wasn't sure what there might be that Rachel could eat, but he'd figure it out. He'd figure _everything_ out for her if that's what it took to help her.

Meanwhile, Rachel was just waking up from a fitful but somewhat restful sleep. Her mind was still groggy when she suddenly heard a movement downstairs. Her heart rate increased as she bolted from her bed and raced into the hallway. She ran down the steps, terrified of what she was going to find downstairs.

When Puck heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway, he found Rachel running toward him, her eyes wide. He was a little confused at the way she was acting and slowly approached to place his hands on her shoulders. "Rachel, what's wrong?"

She threw her arms around his waist and started to cry into his shoulder.

"Shhh, Rach, I'm here; you're okay, Babe; I promise."

She loosened her grip on him and headed into the kitchen. Puck followed her and found her at the kitchen island with her head down, weeping. It broke his heart a little that she couldn't actually tell him what was wrong and that she could only communicate by writing on a notepad. Puck slowly went up to her and started rubbing little circles on her back. He could feel her start to calm down, then finally, she lifted her head and looked him in the eye.

"Rach what's wrong?"

She started writing as quickly as she could to get the message across to him. "When I woke up and you weren't there, I got scared. Then I heard noises downstairs and I wasn't sure what was going on because I was still partly still asleep."

"Babe, I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. I was trying to make breakfast."

"I'm sorry I freaked out, Noah."

"Babe, it's completely normal after what you've been through. Here, what do you want breakfast?"

Rachel pointed to the toaster, then the bagels by it. Puck set about getting breakfast ready while Rachel sat at a table looking out the window. Puck wondered what was going on in that little head of hers.

Then he was shocked by the thoughts going through his own head: that on some deeper level, he knew he had always cared about Rachel much more than he admitted ever since they dated for that week two years ago.

Puck shook off the thought. It wasn't what he needed to focus on right now. He needed to focus on helping Rachel.

Once breakfast was ready, he brought it over to the table and set it in front of her. She turned her head to looked at Puck and the plate, then stared back out the window.

"Come on, Rach; you need to eat so that we can head to school."

Rachel shook her head, and Puck was confused. What she was saying "no" to: the food, or school?

"Rachel, what's wrong? What does 'no' mean?"

She looked at him, hoping he would get the message from her facial expression. Puck really studied her, seeing the pain and fear in her eyes, and then it clicked that she was afraid to go back to school. He understood her concern, but he would be with her the whole time.

"Rachel, look at me."

She turned her head back to him.

"I promise I will never leave your side the whole day."

She nodded, relaxing, and then began to eat. Puck was just grateful that she was trusting him to take care of her.


	7. Chapter 7

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 7

Rachel and Puck arrived at McKinley twenty minutes before the bell rang. Rachel kept staring at the school's front doors and began to shake.

Puck immediately noticed the change in her demeanor, and he turned her in his arm to offer comfort.

Shhh, Rachel, it's going to be okay; I promise. I'll be right there with you, okay?"

She nodded, but reached over and tightly gripped his hand. Then they exited Puck's truck and headed into McKinley. They went to the administrator's office to see if they could have their schedules rearranged so that they were in all the same classes. Puck was serious about never leaving her side. Rachel was grateful. She didn't think she'd be able to get through the day alone.

As they walked to the front desk, they ran into Mr. Schuester.

Puck saw him before Rachel did. Hey, Mr. Schue.

"Oh, hey, Puck; Rachel. How was your summer?"

"It was good, Mr. Schue.

"Rachel, I've been meaning to talk to you about glee this year. Can you come see me after you're done here?"

Rachel's eyes went wide and she went as white as a sheet, tightening her grip on Puck's hand.

Puck understood her reaction and answered for her. Sure, Mr. Schue. Rachel and I need to speak to you about something important anyway."

Mr. Schue looked at Rachel. Rachel, is everything okay?"

Rachel looked at him and shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.

Puck decided to step in again. Mr. Schue, I promise we'll tell you in a more private place, okay?"

Mr. Schue was confused and worried about his student. He viewed everyone in glee as more than just his "school kids;" they were like family. "Noah, Rachel, understand that whatever is going on, I'll help you any way I can."

"We know, Mr. Schue. We will see you in a few minutes in the choir room, okay?"

"Sure, guys."

With that, they parted ways. Puck held Rachel's hand a little tighter to give her the reassurance that everything would be fine. Then they quickly explained the situation to the registration sectary with as little detail as possible so that Rachel could still have privacy without all the school staff knowing what happened. After getting their schedules fixed so Noah was with her all times, they left the office to talk to Mr. Schue.

As they walked to the choir room, Puck could feel how nervous Rachel was. This was the first time since the incident that she was really telling anyone of authority. Puck spun her so that she was facing him. "Rachel, you have to believe me when I say I'm never going to leave you, and that I'm going to help you heal. I'll even help you raise this child if that's what you decide you want to do. If not, I'll still be here for you."

Rachel just stood there, letting what Puck said sink in. Without warning, she threw her arms around his waist and just stared at him. For the first time, she realized that she truly had someone that cared about _her;_ not just about her talent.

Puck let her cry for a while longer before leading her rest of the way to the choir room. They knocked, even though the choir room door was open, alerting Mr. Schue to their presence.

He looked up as they entered. "Hey, guys; so what's going on?"

Puck looked to Rachel for the okay to tell him. She gave him a small smile, and he took it as a yes. He knew, though, that Rachel didn't want all the details told, but they could trust Mr. Schuester.

"Mr. Schue, what I'm about to say can never leave this room without Rachel's permission. I know she is a minor, but she deserves some privacy."

"Ummm, sure, Puck. I'll keep this as quiet as I can if there's no legal reason for me to do otherwise."

"We understand, but know that the police in New York City are already working on this."

"Noah, what happened? Why isn't Rachel telling me herself?"

"Because she can't."

"What do you mean, 'she can't?' Is she sick?" He turned to Rachel and saw the distressed look on her face.

"Mr. Schue, please let me explain. She'd do it if she could."  
>"Okay, Noah; I'm listening. Go ahead."<p>

"Rachel was attacked at knife point her first week in New York. She was raped and her vocal cords was cut. She was in the hospital for three weeks before she came home she found out she was pregnant."

"Oh, God... So Rachel can't talk all..."

"No, so we need to protect her from all the bullying. She's been through enough."

"I understand. Do her fathers know?"

Rachel shook her head no.

"Why not?"

"Because they're on a Doctors Without Borders mission and couldn't be reached. Puck said. They'll be gone for the next fifteen months, so really, Mr. Schue, you're the only adult that can help us right now. We don't know how to contact them."

Mr. Schue looked at Rachel and saw the sadness in her face. "Do you want me to try and contact them for you, Rachel?"

Rachel looked at Mr. Schue with an uneasy expression. She pointed to a piece of paper sitting on the piano top. Mr. Schue handed her the paper and a pen.

Rachel wrote, "Mr. Schue, I doubt they'll care. We had a huge fight before they left, and they haven't even tried to contact me in the time they've been gone. Truth is they haven't cared about me for years. All they care about anymore is themselves. I've basically been on my own since I was twelve."

Mr. Schue read what Rachel had written with shock. His heart broke for the girl standing in front of him. She truly didn't have anyone that really cared about her? He knew how McKinley High treated Rachel, and he promised himself that he would make sure that someone truly _did_ care about her.

"Rachel, don't worry. I'll try and get in touch with them, okay?"

Rachel nodded with a sad smile. She knew how this was going to end, but she would let Mr. Schue try anyway.

Puck watched the emotions play on Rachel's face. He couldn't understand she could think that her fathers didn't care about her. He hadn't mean to read the message she had written to Mr. Schue, but he was glad he did. He was going to prove to Rachel that she _did_ have people that cared about her.


	8. Chapter 8

Sharing Secrets

Chapter 8

After Will's talk with Puck and Rachel, he was confused on how to contact the Berry men. He knew they were both surgeons and very busy with their respective careers, but with what Rachel had just told him, they had been neglectful for years, leading Rachel to believe that they wouldn't care or drop anything they were doing for her.

Truth be told, Mr. Schuester had never seen the Berry men at any school or glee club event. All of the other parents were always present at events, but Rachel acted as if the non-participation of her fathers didn't bother her, so Will never looked beyond the surface. Now he wished he had.

Will was also concerned about how Rachel was dealing with not being able to speak and being pregnant. It didn't go unnoticed by him how much she was leaning on Puck for support. He needed to come up with a plan on how to still include Rachel in the glee club because truthfully, she was itfs soul. He also knew that she would inevitably need her friends and the glee club to get through her ordeal.

But first Will had to do what he promised Rachel and get in touch with her fathers. He just hoped that Rachel's assumptions were wrong. He couldn't understand how they could just abandon their daughter. He knew he would have to track down her fathers' contact information from Ms. Pillsbury. He just hoped she wouldn't have too many questions. He knew Rachel would need to speak to someone about the traumatizing experience she had been through, but no one could force her to. He might suggest it at a later date, but for now, it would be best not to say too much to Emma about it.

When he entered Emma's office, she was straightening her brochures about topics like anxiety, bullying, and _I__Have__an__Imaginary__Friend__at__17._ He knocked and waited for her attention.

She finally looked up and acknowledged his entry. "Hi, Will; what can I help you with?"

"Ummmm, I need Rachel's file so I can contact her fathers for her."

"Will, what's going on? Is she okay?"

"She's okay, but I promised her I wouldn't discuss it without permission."

"I understand. When she needs to talk, I'm here for her."

"I'll pass your message along. Thanks, Emma."

Emma handed Will the file and he left her office, hoping that he was doing the right thing. He didn't want it to backfire and make things worse.

Will got back to his office, sat in his chair, and stared at Rachel's file for ten minutes before he worked up the courage to pick up his desk phone and he flip open the file. He decided to try Hiram Berry first. He just hoped that they had international calling on their cell phones.

Will waited for Hiram to pickup, the line continuing to ring.

"Hello; Hiram Berry speaking."

"Mr. Berry, this is Will Schuester from William McKinley High School. I'm calling about your daughter Rachel."

"Yes, Mr. Schuester; what about Rachel?"

Will couldn't believe how cold Hiram was being about a phone call from a teacher about his only daughter. "Mr. Berry, I was just informed by Rachel and Noah Puckerman that she was sexually assaulted while she was in New York. Her vocal cords are damaged and she's pregnant."

"Mr. Schuester, I can assure you that Rachel is just being over dramatic to get our attention. She's capable of taking care of herself. My husband and I will not be coming home."

"Mr. Berry, I can assure you that Rachel is _not_ being dramatic. Your daughter is traumatized. She needs you with her."

"We can't just break our commitment here, so we can not come home. Goodbye."

Will was shocked by Hiram's coldness in regards to his daughter. His heart broke. Rachel was right that her fathers were too wrapped up in themselves to care about her well-being.

Will wasn't sure what his next step should be. He needed to speak to Rachel and figure out what she wanted to do next.

Mr. Schuester didn't know was that Quinn was passing by his open door and heard the very end of the conversation. She knew that Rachel would need the support of her friends, so she went to track down the glee club, then find Puck and Rachel.


	9. Chapter 9

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 9

After talking to Mr. Schuester, Rachel was a basket case; so Puck took her to the auditorium to calm down. He wrapped her in his arms while she buried her face in his neck, trying to come to terms with what she had just revealed.

"Rachel, you did the right thing telling Mr. Schue. Hopefully he can convince your fathers to come home."

Rachel looked at him with an expression that said, _Yeah,__right!_, then went back into burying herself in his strong embrace.

Puck was just trying to help the best he could. He knew the Berrys weren't very attentive to their daughter. Sure; they were around when Rachel was younger, and Puck saw them when they would get together for Hanukkah and other Jewish traditions, but just like he and Rachel had drifted apart as they had gotten older, it seems her fathers had done the same.

Puck was off in his own thoughts when he heard the auditorium door open. He was rubbing Rachel's back he looked up and saw the rest of the glee club standing in the aisle. "What are you guys doing here?"

The glee club looked at him with guilt on all their faces.

Quinn was the first to speak. "We came to check on Rachel. I heard Mr. Schuester's conversation with her father."

Puck's eyes went wide at Quinn's confession. "Quinn, what did you hear?"

"Mr. Schuester was angry at her father. He said that Rachel was attacked in New York City over the summer and is now pregnant."

Rachel looked up at the end of Quinn's statement, tears pooling in her eyes. She started to shake, and Puck just held her tighter to his side. The glee club looked on in shock as they saw their resident diva take comfort from the person they least expected. It was as if no one else was in the room and it was just Puck and Rachel.

When Rachel was calmed down again, Puck looked at her and took her face in his hands. "Rachel, is it okay if I tell them?"

She looked at him, and then back out at the glee club members she considered friends. After a moment of contemplation, she turned back to Puck and nodded. He knew Rachel didn't want them to know all the details, but just the facts by the looks she was giving him.

"Rachel, I promise you it's going to be okay." He turned to the rest of the group, let out a deep breath, and met the eye of the rest of their friends. "Yes: it's true that Rachel was sexually assaulted and is pregnant from the attack in New York. But, Quinn, you didn't hear Mr. Schuester's whole conversation, right?"

Quinn shook her head, and Puck took another deep breath to continue telling Rachel's story.

"He also damaged vocal cords. She can no longer speak."

As those words left Puck's mouth, he saw the grief and horror on everyone's face. But he also saw the resolve to help a friend in need. Rachel looked up and took in everyone's reaction, glad she had friends she could count on.

Artie was the first to recover from the shock of the news. He rolled up to the stage, stopped in front of Rachel, and tried to get her to look at him. He turned to Puck when it became obvious that Rachel was zoned out. Puck gently shook Rachel to get her attention. She turned to him.

"Rachel, I think Artie wants to talk to you."

Rachel turned Artie. He studied her for moment, and he noticed she had lost the sparkle that was once in her eyes. Now she looked lost and broken, and that broke his heart. He knew what it was like to have your life changed in the blink of an eye, and he would do anything she needed so she could be her normal, happy self once again. He finally spoke. "Rachel, I understand what you're going through, trying to deal with something you lost that you would use every day. So, please: if you need a friend, know that I'll be here." and with that, Artie turned and rolled away.

Rachel at last realized what great friends she had.


	10. Chapter 10

Shattering Secrets  
>Chapter 10<p>

Three days later:

Puck was worried about Rachel after her confession to the glee club. She became even more closed off, and he had hoped that telling everyone what happened would help her begin to heal.  
>Puck thought back to what brought on Rachel's self-imposed exile.<p>

_*flashback*_

It was Monday after glee practice when Mr. Schuester asked to speak with them.  
>"Sure, Mr. Schue."<br>Rachel had a feeling what this was about, but she was hoping Mr. Schuester was able to make her fathers see reason and come home, although she was probably hoping against hope.  
>"As you know, I tried to contact Rachel's fathers. Unfortunately, Rachel was right. They're not returning from their trip. I'm sorry guys."<br>Mr. Schuester turned to Rachel and saw the heartbreak in her eyes. But before he could offer any comfort, she turned and fled the classroom. Puck, with one final wave at Mr. Schuester, left to find the girl he loved. He found her by his truck.  
>The ride home was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop; Rachel just put her head on the cool glass window and silently cried. When Puck turned into the driveway, Rachel leaped from the car and ran up into her room, slamming the door. Puck tried for hours to get her to open the door, but she wouldn't let him in.<p>

_*End of flashback* _

Puck knew she felt abandoned by her fathers. He couldn't get the look on her face out of his head. He knew what it was like to have a parent to walk out of your life, and he wished that he could have spared her that her pain not only once, but twice.  
>He knew that Rachel's mother had rejected her two years ago, and that Rachel tried to convince her at regional's to teach at McKinley. However, she was rejected again and then her mother did the worst thing she could do to Rachel: she adopted Beth. Once again, Rachel felt abandoned by the mother she just wanted to get to know.<br>Puck was at a loss for what to do for Rachel. He knew she needed an adult to help her through what was ahead of her. He knew that he and the glee club could only do so much for her, but he wasn't sure Shelby Cochran was the best choice. But what other choice did he have? He couldn't watch Rachel forever. He had to go home at some point. Against his better judgment, Puck decided to try to get in contact with Shelby.

Meanwhile, Rachel was in her bedroom trying to figure out why her family kept rejecting her. Was she really that person that no one wanted to be around? She knew she could be abrasive and bossy, but she was just trying to help everyone improve and when it came to her fathers, she tried to be the perfect daughter: straight A's, extracurricular activities, and glee club. But none of it seemed good enough for them.

Rachel got up off the bed, went to the mirror, and looked at herself closely. Was she not pretty enough? Nice enough? Did she not put up with the bullying and name-calling and the slushy attacks? She felt as if she was at the end of her rope. She could no longer express how she was feeling through music. She felt as if her life was over.


	11. Chapter 11

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 11

The next morning Rachel didn't feel like facing anyone she didn't want to deal with their pity in their stares, she was sure to receive once the story of what happened to her got around school.

Meanwhile, Noah knew that Rachel would not leave her room he knew he could not leave her alone right now, but he wasn't sure who to call he needed some one that would not make Rachel uncomfortable if she did decide to leave her room it had become a safe haven in recent days.

He hoped he was doing the right thing by tracking down Shelby again he didn't want hard to abandon Rachel again when she really needed her mother at the moment. Puck was pacing back and for the kitchen when it hit him who to call Puck knew they didn't get along great but Rachel needed someone who on some level understood what she was going through the next six months. So with that deep breath Puck reached for his phone and called the one person that could help Rachel. She picked up on the first ring.

"This is Quinn"

"Quinn it's Puck."

Quinn was surprised she had not talked to him privately in a while.

"Quinn I need you to do me a favor."

"Okay what is it?"

"I need to take care of something but I'm afraid to leave Rachel alone right now she hasn't left her room in three days and she won't let me or talk to me and I'm scared what might happen if no one is here with her."

"Puck don't worry I'll be right over."

"Thank you Quinn."

Puck hung up the phone with Quinn and headed back upstairs to talk to Rachel he hoped she would finally let her walls down and listen to him. He took a deep breath and knocked on her door. He waited a few moments before speaking.

"Rachel?"

He listened for movement but didn't hear anything so he knocked again.

"Rachel?"

Still not getting any response he decided to try the door he hoped it would open as he turned the knob and as the door opened what he saw made his heart rate increase there was glass shards everywhere from Rachel's freestanding mirror in the left corner of the room, but what scared him more was there was a line of blood dotting her white carpet. Puck's heart rate increased further when his eyes scanned the room but Rachel was not in sight. His eyes landed on the bathroom door it was closed he went as fast as he could and banged on the door.

"Rachel if you can hear me open the door now." he banged on the door with more force . "Rachel open up or I'll break down the door I swear."

Meanwhile, Quinn was at the front door but no one was answering finally after about five minutes she found the hidden key under the mat and entered the house. Quinn walked into the main room looking around but there are were no signs of Rachel or talk Puck. She decided to call out for them.

"Puck I'm here like you asked."

She waited a few moments for a response she listened bu what she heard she would never forget in her lifetime.

Meanwhile, upstairs Puck had finally broken down Rachel's bathroom door what he saw broke his heart rate show was lying on the floor with a razor blade sitting by her left wrist. Puck looked around the room there was no blood anywhere insight which he took as a good sign, but then it dawned on him that Rachel could have chosen an easier way to die by an overdose. He bent down by her touching his hand to her cheek and taped it gently.

"Rachel come on sweetheart wake up please."

After a few moments Quinn heard a scream.

"Rachel come on wake up."

Quinn took off for the stairs and followed the screaming.

"Rachel please wake up."

Quinn stopped right in front of Rachel's bedroom and entered quickly she saw Puck kneeling alongside Rachel's unresponsive body.

"Puck what happened?"

Frantically Puck responded "I don't know I came up to talk to her after our conversation and she wouldn't come to the door so I broke it down and found her like this."

Puck went back to trying to revive Rachel while Quinn watched in horror. After what seemed like forever they both heard the sound they both would forever be grateful for Rachel finally moaned and her eyes started moving under her closed eyelids. Puck sat back in shock just glad Rachel had not accomplished her goal. Quinn was the first to speak "Rachel can you hear me?"

Rachel slowly turned her head toward the voice and Quinn took it as a sign that Rachel would be okay.


	12. Chapter 12

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 12

It was a few days after the incident as they refer to it and neither Puck or Quinn had left Rachel's side both extremely worried about their friend.

Rachel on the other hand could not get over the fact that she felt like a burden to her friends. She couldn't understand why they cared so much . She had lost her voice and what she thought was her meaning in life and her identity was gone she could no longer help them gained the trophy that eluded them. She didn't even know who she was herself any more her identity was built around her voice and Broadway.

Rachel thought back to those three days prior to the incident.

*Flashback*

She had decided to lock herself away after a conversation with Mr. Shuster and after her fathers final rejection of her when she needed the most. She had decided that was the final straw that she had the final piece of proof that she needed that nobody wanted her around. She had spent those three days planning it out and putting everything in order and writing letters to say goodbye to everyone in the glee club and even her fathers even though they didn't deserve it after their treatment of her.

She thought she had the perfect plan she would cut both her wrists deep enough that there would be no saving her, but as she held the razor blade to her wrist she realized she could not leave evidence of what she had done behind so she decided to overdose on sleeping pills. She had found a full bottle in her cupboard and took two handfuls right after the other and sunk into blackness.

*End of flashback*

The next thing she remembered was hearing Quinn's voice asking if she could hear her. After regaining consciousness Puck and Quinn had bundled her up and taking her in Puck's truck to the hospital to have her monitored as the sleeping pills left her system. She stayed in the hospital for three days on suicide watch after the mandatory time she was released in the care of her friends. The doctors had told her that the child she was carrying had not been affected by her attempt they had done an ultrasound while she was sedated to check on the health of the baby. Rachel knew what she had attempted was the cowards way out but at the time it seemed her only option.

Over the last few days Rachel had tried to come up with an explanation to why she couldn't confide in other people she knew Puck would drop everything and let her vent but she didn't know how to communicate with out a piece of paper or pen and writing down her feelings did not seem the way to get them across she felt frustrated that there wasn't any clear way to communicate.

Meanwhile, Puck was increasingly worried about Rachel he wondered if she attempted suicide the next time if he would be able to save her. It was hard for him to admit to himself that he was truly scared that he hadn't gotten to her in time. He knew deep down in his heart that he was in love with Rachel Berry and the thought of her wonderful spirit not being around any longer scared him to death.

Puck was at a loss for what to do for Rachel he had planned to talk to Shelby about Rachel after the incident that had gotten pushed back to the back burner right now he was worried about Rachel's mental stability he didn't feel comfortable leaving her on her own without supervision. But he knew Rachel needed an adult in her life that she could trust he was just afraid if he brought Shelby up it would do more damage than good with Rachel's fragile mental state at the moment.

Once should be released from the hospital and cleared that she was no immediate threat to herself or other people the doctors had given Puck some guidelines on how to communicate with Rachel. They told him to act as if what she had done happened but also to let her know that I did not affect the way he felt about her or their relationship.

He had been trying for two days to not walk on egg shells around Rachel that she was still so closed off that he was willing to do about anything he needed to do to get her on the road to recovery. Quinn had agreed with him that Rachel needed someone besides them that I cared about her to help her in her recovery. So Quinn had agreed to stay with Rachel while he went to Carmel to track down Shelby's contact information. After sweet talking a receptionist at the front desk he had in his possession the information he was looking for.

He sat in his truck looking at the most picturesque house anyone could think up there was a white picket fence with a gated entrance and rose bushes lining the walkway a well manicured lawn and a bright red front door with a gold knocker. To anyone it looked like the perfect American family home but to Puck it held the woman that had rejected Rachel when she wanted a mother-daughter relationship and also the woman that was raising his daughter.

He waited a few moments before taking a deep breath and opening the door of his truck and walking up the walkway hoping he was doing the right thing for Rachel. He took another deep breath as he went up to the front door then knocked twice and waited for it to open.

Meanwhile, Shelby was feeding Beth lunch when she heard the knock on the door. She undid Beth from her high chair and said.

"Let's go see who's at the front door Bethy."

Puck waited as he heard footsteps approaching the door he took another deep breath to steel himself for the unknown. The front door swung open revealing the one and only Shelby Cochran.

It took her a moment to recover from the shock of seeing Noah Puckerman on her front porch. When she recovered she spoke.

"Puck what are you doing here is everything okay with you and Quinn?"

"Shelby I know this is a shock I came to speak with you about Rachel."

"Why what's going on with Rachel ? I haven't spoken to her since our last conversation over a year ago."

"Can I come in? It would be easier to explain not standing here on your front porch."

"Sure."

As she waited for him to enter all her thoughts to center around why he was here and what's wrong with Rachel . As he pasted Shelby he glanced at Beth and gave her a small smile. He was at least glad that his daughter was growing up happy and healthy even if he couldn't raise her himself he was glad she was loved.

"Noah why don't you go get situated on the couch while I put Beth her playpen so we can speak without a distraction."

"Sure."

He entered the living room looking around the room at the the child proofed coffee-table and end table and then took a seat on the sofa and waited for Shelby to return. Within five minutes shall be entered the living room and cleared her throat to get Puck's attention.

"It's not that I'm not glad to see you but why would Rachel want to see me after the way our relationship turned out?"

Puck it took a deep breath and spoke.

"Shelby Rachel doesn't actually known I'm here."

"What ? Why doesn't she know?"

"She doesn't know because I'm afraid it will set her back further and I would really like to avoid that at the moment."

"Noah is scaring me please tell me what is going on with my daughter."

He took a deep breath and began telling her what her daughter had been through.

"Over the summer Rachel was accepted to Juilliard's Summer arts program in New York. Her first week there she was headed back to late from the auditorium and with attack knifepoint by a stranger in a mask and raped and she fell into a consciousness and when she woke up she was in the hospital being told by the doctors that she was sexually assaulted and also that her vocal cords cut so that she could no longer speak or sing also the doctors informed her that she was pregnant from the attack. After about three weeks of recovery she was released from hospital and headed back here without any of us knowing and spent the last three months dealing with it on her own. She had been home the whole summer without any of us knowing. I only found out when I went to check on her the day before we started school again."

Shelby was taking in the information Puck had just laid out in front of her once she recovered from the shock she was able to speak.

"What about her fathers?"

With disgust in his voice he replied "They are on a 15 month mission with Doctors Without Borders and will not be coming home. Mr. Shuster has already spoken with them and they made very clear that they do not care about their daughter."

"Puck there's more you're not telling me I gather."

He took a deep breath and continued the story

"After we had spoken to Mr. Shuster about Rachel's condition he contacted her fathers and explained the situation and that's how we found out that they were not be coming home to help their daughter when she needed it most. She took the news badly and locked herself away in her room for three days. I was worried about her but I was letting her deal with this on her own because I knew that's what she needed. I was coming to track you down a few days ago and when I went up to tell Rachel that I was going to go somewhere for a while and that one of our friends was coming over to stay with her she wouldn't respond so I got worried and broke down the door and found her unconscious in the bathroom after she had tried to commit suicide. Luckily Quinn and I were able to revive her and get her to the hospital before she caused any damage to herself or the baby. After she spent the mandatory three days in the psych ward they released her into my care."

At this point Shelby had tears running down her face trying to understand what her daughter had been through and how she was lucky that she was not dead but she finally realized that this was a second chance to have a relationship with her daughter.

"Noah what can I do now I would do anything she needs me to do."

"Truthfully Shelby I'm not sure I think she just needs a parent. I not sure if we should or shouldn't trust at the moment because given your history with her I'm not sure you're the best person but you're the only one to save the girl I love."

With that Puck got up and said goodbye and left Shelby to deal with what she wanted to do next. He just hoped he had done the right thing.


	13. Chapter 13

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 13

Two Days Later:

Shelby was still trying to wrap her mind around what was going on with Rachel. After Puck's visit it was all she could think about but the thought that kept plaguing her was did she have any right to barge back into Rachel's life?

She was the one to tell Rachel they couldn't have a relationship she's the one that said to appreciate each other from afar, but when Rachel really needed a parent her fathers showed her that they don't care about her and only about themselves so that's what made her decision for her. Rachel needed to know that she was cared about and love to unconditionally.

That's why she was sitting outside the Berry's house trying to get up the courage to go knock on the door. She didn't want to be rejected by her oldest daughter even though she deserved it and she knew it. But she didn't know was that Rachel was watching from the bay window in the living room. Which I had seen her mother's black Range Rover pull up 20 minutes ago but for life of her she could work out why she was here.

Surely Shelby didn't want a relationship with her she made that very clear she also wouldn't want a damaged daughter when she had perfect Beth at home. Finally Rachel quit watching out the window and started to stomped back upstairs. As Rachel was coming to her bedroom Puck was coming out of the laundry room and noticed the angry look on Rachel's face.

"Rach what's wrong?"

Since getting out of the hospital Rachel had been studying sign language to communicate because writing everything out with cumbersome and time-consuming. Puck tried to concentrate on what Rachel was saying most of the time he could understand it he was getting better every day as long as she the spelling things out for him. When Rachel started signing frantically he tried to keep up.

"Shelby's car is outside and I don't know why we haven't spoken in over a year. I just want to know why she is here now?"

After her rant she looked at Park for an answer. She noticed a guilty look on his face.

"Noah what did you do?"

He took a deep breath and reply"Rachel please don't be mad after you got out of the hospital I went to Shelby about you because you needed to know you had one parent out there that care about you."

He looked at Rachel bracing himself for her reaction.

"Noah how could you did you just want to twist the knife deeper?"

"No babe."

"Then why?"

"Because Shelby cares about you on some level she's just not good at expressing it also you need a parent to help you Quinn and I can only do so much babe."

"Fine but I can't talk to her right now I just can't."

He watched Rachel head off into her room he was at a loss of what to do next he just wanted to help Rachel clearly his idea of getting Shelby involved was not a good move. He needed to speak with Shelby and tell her that Rachel didn't want to speak to her at the moment he took a deep breath and headed downstairs to break a mother's heart one more time.

Once he got downstairs Quinn was in the kitchen making lunch she looked at him and frowned.

"What's going on I heard slamming doors?"

"I guess Shelby thought about what we talked about and is now sitting outside in her car and Rachel saw her and got upset wondering why she was here and I had to explain why she was sitting outside and what I did and that upset her even more."

Quinn's face paled and she dropped her what she was doing and raced upstairs to check on Rachel afraid of what she might try to do. While Puck went to deal with the Shelby he got outside and went up to her car Shelby noticed the angry look on his face and gulped as she rolled down the window.

"Puck."

"Shelby."

"What's wrong?"

"Rachel saw you sitting outside and is now upset at me for telling you anything and I can't blame her because it looks like you're being a coward and not facing or helping your daughter."

With that Puck went back inside hoping that Rachel didn't have a setback.


	14. Chapter 14

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 14

Rachel saw Puck's confrontation with Shelby out her bedroom window. She didn't want him fighting battles for her but she knew she couldn't face her mother it just hurt too much. She stepped away from the window and l logged on to her computer to journal what was going through her mind at the moment, she started doing this while she was in the hospital at the suggestion of the therapist because she can no longer express herself as she used to.

So far the only people to see her entries were her therapist and only to work through the issues she was bringing up through her entries. Truthfully, thinking about her mother hurt too much the way shall reject her when she needed her most so instead of bottling up her feelings she decided to write a letter to Shelby to get her feelings out. She had no intention of ever letting it be seen by Shelby but she knew she had to let her feelings out. So she started to write the words of the letter that would help her move on with her life.

_Dear Shelby, _

_What do I call you? You're not my mother or my mom I guess you're just in the woman my father's paid to give them a baby. But I can never understand was why go to seeking me out just to reject me when you figure it out I wasn't what you waned in your life? _

_Do you realize how much that hurt me? Also why did you have to adopt another child right after telling me I have no place in your life? Do you realize how much that realization stung at the time Shelby? Do you even care? I came to you when I needed somebody and you walked away I hope you can live with on your conscience for the rest of your life I hope you realize that your daughter has no one fathers don't care about her any longer as well. But please remember you do have a daughter out there always waiting for you._

_Rachel_

As a final thing Rachel attached the lyrics of one of her favorite songs that she felt described the situation the best. Remember by Josh Groban.

_**"Remember"**___

_Remember, I will still be here  
>As long as you hold me, in your memory<em>

_Remember, when your dreams have ended  
>Time can be transcended<br>Just remember me_

_I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,  
>It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun<em>

_I'm with you  
>Whenever you tell, my story<br>For I am all I've done_

_Remember, I will still be here  
>As long as you hold me, in your memory<br>Remember me_

_I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers  
>And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky<em>

_As long as I still can reach out, and touch you  
>Then I will never die<em>

_Remember, I'll never leave you  
>If you will only<br>Remember me_

_Remember me..._

_Remember, I will still be here  
>As long as you hold me<br>In your memory_

_Remember, when your dreams have ended  
>Time can be transcended<br>I live forever  
>Remember me<em>

_Remember me  
>Remember... me...<br>_

Then she shut down the journal and sat on her bed to cry about what was happening to her.


	15. Chapter 15

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 15

It was the morning after Rachel's breakdown and she was drained, but she knew she couldn't stay in bed all day. Writing that letter had finally put everything in perspective for her, she finally realized she couldn't make Shelby be the mother she needed and wanted, Shelby had to finally make the choice on her own to be part of her life.

Meanwhile, Shelby was thinking about her conversation with Puck she still could not wrap her mind around what had happen to Rachel and how her father's had no second thoughts about leaving her when she needed them the most. She knew Rachel wouldn't accept her barging into her life after the way she had treated her in the past, she knew she would have to regain her trust first. She knew she would have to do some research first on what her rights in regards to Rachel and custody because of the contract.

Also she wanted research a therapist so that Rachel could get help she needed to start to heal from the trauma and she would be there every step of the way.

Shelby knew she would need some help in getting Rachel to acknowledge her she was hoping that Puck could help arrange a meeting between them to talk; she wanted to meet on a place of level ground for both of them.

She decided that the Lima Bean would be the best choice they could meet in pubic so Rachel wouldn't feel trapped or ambushed and hopefully Puck could help Rachel safe and secure at their meeting.

Shelby figured she better start on the legal aspect first before approaching Puck she didn't want to get her or Rachel's hopes up if she had no legal recourse in regards to custody. She knew she needed to be the mother Rachel could count on.

Rachel knew today would be tough she was being required to meet with the state appointed case manager from children services because she was still a minor. She still didn't know how Puck had pulled it off getting her out of the hospital, but she was grateful to him she really hated hospitals the smell and vibe scared her ever since she had woken up in the hospital in New York and not knowing what had happened to her.

Rachel knew today would be tough she was being required to meet with the state appointed case manager from children services because she was still a minor. She still didn't know how Puck had pulled it off getting her out of the hospital, but she was grateful to him she really hated hospitals the smell and vibe scared her ever since she had woken up in the hospital in New York and not knowing what had happened to her.

Rachel when downstairs to get some breakfast and some peace before the chaos of today started. She was pouring some apple juice as Puck came downstairs and entered the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around her waist before lightly kissing her on her temple.

"Hey babe how are you feeling this morning?"

Rachel just gives him a look of apprehension in responds. Puck squeezes her to help elevate some of her nerves.

"Rach I promise it will all be ok."

She turned in his arms and just wrapped her arms around his waist taking in his warmth and security with him around she felt safe. She pulls away from his embrace and starts signing.

"What if she pulls me away from you?"

"Babe that's might not happen but if it does we'll deal with it."

"I'm not sure if I can deal with Shelby the way she treated me back then still hurts you know."

"I know sweetheart."

"Noah I know you went to see her the day after I got out of the hospital, What I need to know is if I can trust her with my heart because I really need her to finally step up and care about me and not just Beth."

"Sweetheart I got the impression that Shelby cares she just doesn't express it to you I'm sure you know this, but to her in her mind your still a baby she didn't even get to hold. So it's hard for her to relate to the 16 year old version of the baby she holds in her heart."

"I know that Noah but I really need a parent to care about me."

Puck takes her in his arms as he sees tears start to build up in her eyes and he starts tubing her back and rocking her back and forth.

"Shhhh sweetheart It's going to be ok I promise."

Puck really hoped he was telling the truth because Rachel doesn't need anyone disappointments in her life.


	16. Chapter 16

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 16

Shelby's brain was fried. She had been up all night looking into her legal rights in regards to gaining custody of Rachel. She found out that once a minor was past the age of 13, the child could choose who they wanted to live with. She knew Rachel felt abandoned by her parents, herself included, but she hoped to prove that she would be around for good this time.

Shelby had called her lawyer, Mr. Lawson, and discussed the situation at hand. Mr. Lawson stated that Shelby did sign away her parental rights by signing the contract with the Berry's, but she may be able to reinstate her rights if it was in the best interest of the child in question. He also said that she needed to contact Child Protective Services and state that she is willing to take over full guardianship of the child. It would open her up to investigation, but also show how serious she was in the matter.

Shelby knew that she would not only need Puck's help in getting Rachel to trust her, but she would also need 's help as well. She thought he would be the best person to speak with since he sees Rachel on a daily basis and can give her some insight into her daughter. She just hoped he'd be willing to help. Shelby took a deep breath, picked up her cell, and dialed his number. She waited and then he picked up on the second ring.

"Will Schuester."

"Mm hi Will, this is Shelby Corcoran. I was hoping I could speak to you about Rachel briefly before school tomorrow?"

"Why? What is this regarding?"

"Will, I assume you know what happened to Rachel in New York over the summer?"

"Yes, I know what happened. How did you find out? I was under the impression that you and Rachel no longer speak?"

"Yes It is true that I haven't spoken to Rachel myself. I found out after her suicide attempt. Puck came to see me and explained the situation. He told me how her father's abandoned her after your conversation with them. I have also spoken to my lawyer. He advised me that I need to speak with Child Protective Services and let them know I am willing to help Rachel through everything. But, I need your help as well. I was hoping you could tell me about Rachel and how she's dealing? Maybe help her see that I want to be part of her life?"

"Shelby, I'm concerned about your past with Rachel, when you left the last time she was completely devastated. However, I am willing to help. I truly care about all my glee kids like they are my own and Rachel needs a parent that actually cares about her.

"I do Will. I really do care."

"How does 7:30 tomorrow morning sound? Meet me at the choir room?"

"Sounds great! I'll meet you tomorrow."

"Bye Shelby."

"Bye Will and thanks."

With that she hung up, and was relieved that everything was working out so far.

Shelby had just come from finishing her meeting with Will and she finally felt as if he understood her. She had fully explained her side of the situation and Will had agreed that Rachel would be better off with her for the time being. The next hurdle would be getting Rachel to talk to her. As she was coming around the corner, Shelby thought she heard whimpering. She found it to be odd and as she went further down the hallway the noise increased in volume. Shelby was getting scared at this point because she didn't know who was hurt.

As she turned the corner she saw a small brunette girl huddled up against the wall with her head on her knees. Her heart broke for her daughter. Shelby slowly approached Rachel so not to scare her. She bent down to her level and reached out to touch the girl, but thought better of it a split second later when she saw Rachel flinch. After a moment she spoke.

"Sweetheart it's ok I'm not going to hurt you."

When Rachel didn't even acknowledge her, Shelby decided to take a seat by the girl. She didn't want to get too close and make Rachel feel as if she was being crowed. Shelby wanted to reach out to her baby and sooth her pain away, but Puck had warned her that Rachel was still leery around people. Shelby was also at a loss on how to communicate at the moment because she was still practicing sign langue and she wasn't all that great at it yet. She didn't want to end up saying the wrong thing to Rachel so she did the one thing she knew might get thought to her- she started to sing.

"God I hold on easy as I let you go  
>Gonna tell you how much I love you though you think you already know<br>I remember I thought you looked like a angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm  
>You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born<p>

You beautiful baby from the outside in  
>Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you home again<br>Go on take on this old world but to me you know you will always be  
>My little girl<p>

When you were in trouble that crooked little smile melted my heart of stone  
>Now look at you you've turned around and you've almost grown<br>Sometimes when your asleep I whisper I love you in the moonlight at your door  
>As I walk away I hear you say "daddy love you more"<p>

You beautiful baby from the outside in  
>Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you home again<br>Go on take on this old world but to me you know you will always be  
>My little girl<p>

Someday some boy will come and ask me for your hand  
>But I won't say yes to him unless I know<br>He's the half that makes you whole  
>He has a poets soul<br>And the heart of a man's man  
>I know he'll say that he's in love, but between you and me<br>He won't be good enough

You beautiful baby from the outside in  
>Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you home again<br>Go on take on this old world but to me you know you will always be  
>My little girl."<p>

She had chosen "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw because she felt it fit how she was feeling. She hoped Rachel now realized how much she loved her and would do anything to protect her.


	17. Chapter 17

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 17

Rachel was at a loss. Her mind, at the moment, was flashing back to the events that brought her to where she was in the present. She heard Shelby singing, but could not make her mind understand that she wasn't back in New York on that terrible night. Rachel was shaking; whispering to herself that it would all be okay. She felt Shelby wrap her arms around her and gently squeeze on her shoulders.

Shelby could see Rachel was lost in her thoughts and possibly caught up in the traumatic events of the past. She held her and began running her fingers through Rachel's hair trying to calm her down. "Rachel, if you can hear me, its mom. It's okay. You are safe. I promise."

It took Rachel a few minutes to calm down and realize where she was. When she felt like she had the courage, she finally looked up to realize who was comforting her. She was surprised that it was Shelby sitting by her.

When Rachel looked up, what Shelby saw broke her heart. Rachel had this look that conveyed to Shelby how lost she really was. Shelby maneuvered herself so that she was sitting in front of Rachel and could see her eyes. She needed to be able to communicate without sign language at the moment.

"Rachel I want to help you in any way I can. I did not mean to leave you in the past, but I plan to prove to you that I am here for the long haul whether you need me for shoulder to cry on or advice or help with your child- I'm here." After hearing her mother speak those words Rachel had waited so long to hear, she launched herself into Shelby's embrace. And Shelby, getting the response she hoping for, realized she and Rachel could leave their past mistakes in the past and finally move forward to becoming mother and daughter.

Meanwhile, Puck was coming back from football practice and heard crying in the hallway. He decided to investigate because he hadn't seen Rachel at all today and truthfully he was worried about her. As he went around the corner, he noticed the taller version of his best friend sitting by a crumpled crying person.

"Shelby what's going on?" Shelby looked up in shock not realizing that Puck was even there.

"Noah I came to speak with Principal Figgins about what you and I spoke about earlier and I found Rachel crying in the hallway. I do not know sign language well enough yet to be able to communicate with her but she seems scared and won't stop crying."

Puck got down on his knees in front them and slow began to lift Rachel's head so that he could be seen by her. It broke his heart when he saw the unshed tears in her eyes.

"Rachel it's okay. Can you tell me what happened?"

Rachel slowly begin to sign that the hockey team had corned her at her locker and begin touching her inappropriately. She started to have a flashback and when they noticed they left her as she slid down on the floor and begin to cry.

Without hesitation Puck took Rachel in his arms and wrapped her in warmth and comfort. Shelby, seeing this, realized how much Puck loved her daughter and smiled.

After a few moments, Shelby decided to speak up, "Puck I would like to take Rachel home if she would let me or even to my place if she wants to. Would you come along so she's not scared?"

"Of course I will. Let me just speak with Principal Figgins and Mr. Schuester so they know where we are and I will be right behind you."

"Okay. Thank You Puck."

Puck looked at Rachel one last time and whispered to her what they needed her to do. Rachel slowly nodded that she understood and was willing to go with Shelby. He smiled and kissed her on the forehead before getting up and heading to the principal's office.

Shelby turned to Rachel with a smile on her face. "You ready to go sweetheart?"

Rachel smiled back and nodded yes without a moment's hesitation. Shelby wrapped her in her embrace and then they headed out of the school with what they hoped will be a brighter future.


	18. Chapter 18

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 18

Shelby and Rachel arrived at her condo 20 minutes after leaving the school. The ride over was quiet for Shelby. She tried to fill the silence with music, but when she saw the sad longing look on Rachel's face she immediately turned it off.

Rachel did not move an inch once the car stopped. She felt like she was petrified stone. She knew in her heart that Shelby had no intention of hurting her, but her mind kept replaying what those hockey neanderthals had said plus the trauma of the event that night.

Shelby noticed that Rachel wasn't going to be moving on her own without encouragement so she turned to face her. "Rachel sweetheart are you ready to go inside?"

Rachel blinks herself out of her haze and nods slowly.

"Okay sweetheart." Shelby gets out of her side of SUV and comes around and opens the car door for Rachel slowly grabbing her hands so not to scare her. Shelby could tell Rachel was shaken up the from event at school. She wished Puck would get there quickly to give Rachel some kind of reassurance that she couldn't give her at that moment. Shelby hoped that in the near future Rachel could learn to trust and rely on her.

As they got inside, Rachel looked around trying to take in her mother's life. She noticed a corner of toys and a blanket. Then she realized she had totally forgotten about Beth.

Shelby was about to speak and let Rachel know that Beth was at babysitters when there was a knock on the door. She gave Rachel a small smile then answered the door. She opened the door and let out a silent breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Noah thank goodness you're here. When we got here I couldn't get her to move. When I finally did, she couldn't stop shaking. Then when we got inside she saw Beth's things."

Puck didn't look surprised that Rachel was still upset, but to freeze at Beth's things in the room worried him greatly. Puck turned to Shelby. "Where is Beth now?"

"She's at the babysitters."

"Okay that's good."

"I didn't realize that just seeing her things would be a trigger for her. I'm so sorry Noah."

"Shelby its okay we'll figure something out."

Meanwhile, Rachel was sitting on the couch looking at the photographs of Shelby and Beth on the mantle of the fireplace. There were family picnics, Christmas, Easter and mother's day as well with Beth growing in everyone, but then there was one on the very end of the mantle that caught her eye. It was from sectional 3 years ago when Rachel and the new directions had won.

She had known Shelby was there after the fact, but she never realized that Shelby had gotten a picture that day. That filled Rachel's heart with love that one of her parents actually cared about her.

As Shelby had decided to get everyone a snack and drinks before starting this conversation, Puck decided to go over to the couch where Rachel was sitting. As he sat down he sees the tears in Rachel's eyes and became worried. "Rach, what's wrong?"

Rachel jumps not realizing anyone is beside her. Puck takes her in his arms. "She cares look there."

Puck, seeing what she's pointing out, gave her a hug and a smile. "See, babe, she does care. She just doesn't know how to show it."

"I guess."

"Are you willing to listen to what she has to say?"

Rachel nods still overwhelmed by this revelation.

Shelby comes out of the kitchen with iced tea and fruit salad. Thankfully she remembered Rachel was a vegan and luckily she had things Rachel could eat. "Is this okay?"

Rachel nods her head in approval.

"Are you doing okay now?"

Rachel signs yes and thankfully Shelby understood.

Shelby wanted to start the conversation, but looked around nervously. She realized she might need Puck's help to communicate with Rachel. She looked at Puck and spoke. "Puck can I speak to you in the kitchen a moment?"

"Sure Shelby."

He turned to Rachel and let her know he would be right back kissing her temple. As they enter the kitchen, Puck turned to her. "What's the problem? Shelby you're not planning on walking away from her again are you? Because, Shelby, if you do that would finally break her for good. I love her too much to see her go through that again."

After Puck's impromptu speech Shelby looked at the boy, no, man in a different light. He wasn't just a teenager drifting through life. Yes he had made mistakes but he had finally matured and he loved Rachel. For that she was grateful. "No Puck, I have no intention of leaving Rachel ever again. What I need your help with is to be, basically, her interpreter between her and myself because my sign language skills are not up to conversation level yet."

Puck was glad that Shelby was willing to stick around this time. "Of course I will help you speak to Rachel."

"Thank you Puck."

With that settled they headed back to Rachel. When they entered the room, Rachel looked up. She could tell Shelby was nervous. "What's going on?"

Shelby sat looking at Rachel. The silence was awkward but no one knew where to start. Finally, Shelby started to speak. "Rachel what I want to talk to you about is coming to live with Beth and I." Shelby stopped for a moment to take in Rachel's reaction. She was shocked and taken aback. She looked at Puck who nodded his reassurance.

Rachel, in rapid succession, just signed back "Why now?"

Without missing a beat Shelby replied. "I know I messed up before that. That was because I didn't want to complicate your life and just barge in. Rachel, I've always loved you and I really thought I was giving your precious life to a couple that would care about you and love you. What I want now is to show you that you do have a family and a parent that loves you. I have spoken to child protective services and my lawyer. They are willing to grant me sole custody of you because your fathers have been proven to be unfit guardians, but Rachel I will only be comfortable if you say yes. I have two spare bedrooms one can be yours to decorate the way you want and one can be turned into the nursery for the baby."

Rachel was overwhelmed. She had tears in her eyes. This was all she ever wanted- for her mother to love her.


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Note: Because it's my 30th birthday today I thought I'd give you a Present

TVHollywoodDiva

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 19

After the conversation with her mother, the one thought that kept playing through Rachel's mind was 'what about Puck?' She turned her mother and asked the question.

Shelby was confused about Rachel's question. "Rachel, honey, what do you mean?"

"I mean I've come to rely on him over the last few weeks. If I didn't have him I truly wouldn't be here now."

Shelby knew that Puck and Rachel cared about each other but she was shocked at Rachel's admission. "Rachel, Puck is welcome here whenever. I promise. I won't stand in the way of that."

"What about Beth?"

"Honey Beth will be ok. I promise. She's two right now. Puck will just be your boyfriend and if later on, when she's older, she asks who he is I will tell her who Quinn and Puck are to her. I will explain to her that they are her biological parents but that they gave me her to raise her because they thought it was the best decision for her in the long run."

"What about me?"

"I'll tell her you're her sister. Which is true Rachel."

"I'm so confused about this. Why do you care so much now when last year you walked away from me?"

"Rachel, sweetheart, please believe me I love you and want to take care of you."

Rachel finally signed, "Okay I'm willing to give it a try."

"Thank you, Rachel."

"What's next?"

"I want you here as soon as you are ready."

Puck looks at Rachel "Are you okay?"

She nodded smiling.

"OK."

"Can I have a few days to pack?"

"Honey, of course you can have a few days. There's no rush."

"Okay Thank you, mom." Shelby gave Rachel a megawatt smile that lit up the room. Rachel without hesitation got up and gave Shelby the fiercest hug she could. It finally felt good to be in her mother's arms.


	20. Chapter 20

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 20

It took a few days for Rachel to pack up her belongings and her life. The move in with Shelby went fairly easily. Shelby showed Rachel her room which was actually bigger than her room her fathers.

Shelby also showed her the room they could turn into nursery which Rachel gave a quick glance but backed out quickly. Truthfully, Rachel was still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that she was pregnant.

Rachel knew she was having a baby, but what she didn't know was whether or not she was keeping said baby.  
>Also the thought that Shelby had set aside a bedroom for the baby sort of made her uncomfortable. She felt pressure to keep the baby because Shelby had made that effort for him or her.<p>

Though Rachel knew she needed to decide, she didn't feel as if the time was right yet. She had hoped she could make the right decision when the time came, but for now the only thing she wanted to worry about was getting her life back on track.

She just wanted everything to go back to normal. Before New York. Before that night had ever happened. She knew she couldn't; she just had to start moving forward with her life and that meant dealing with what happened the best way she knew how. Starting with forgetting about her fathers.

She also wanted to let Puck know how she felt about him, but she wasn't sure he felt the same way. She knew that on some level that he cared about her because he was willing to protect her lately. She just needed to come up with the perfect way to express her feelings.


	21. Chapter 21

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 21

After the realization that Rachel was having trouble coming up with the perfect way communicate her feelings, she was walking down the hallway when she heard a voice stopped that stopped her in tracks.

"Streisand!"

She turned to face the one and only Sue Sylvester. Rachel gulped because whenever she had spoken with the cheerleading coach it meant nothing good was about to happen. She turned around and looked at her waiting for the cheerleading coach to speak.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I saw what happened yesterday."

Rachel wasn't sure how to respond to this caring side of Sue. She was still trying to process the change as she was tried to form a response.

"Coach thank you for checking up on me, but I'm OK. They just frightened me because I haven't been around that large of a group of people for a while."

Sue unsurprisingly able to understand sign language looked at Rachel and realized how broken the girl really was. She could see the fear in her eyes without Rachel having to voice what had happened over the summer. Truthfully, her heart went out to the girl. She knew what it was like to have parents that did not care about you. Sue realized in that moment that she would watch out for Rachel from this point on.

"Listen Streisand, if anyone bugs you from now on or if you just need to get away or whatever; you can come to me."

Rachel was shocked by this offer so she just nodded. With that Sue gave her small smile and turned and went back down the hallway the way she came.

Rachel was still bewildered by what had transpired. She continued to walk down the hallway unaware of the looks and whispers going around her. She realized long ago that not everyone is going to like you for what you are or appreciate your talent.

Rachel entered the choir room, but no one was there thank goodness. She needed time alone with no one around to judge her choices. She sat for the longest time trying to come up with the perfect song to express her feelings to Noah, not Puck. She was frustrated that she could no longer express how she was feeling. She finally decided that she would just have to play the piano and hope that Noah would understand the message she was trying to convey. She went through many songs but nothing fit what she wanted to say to him.

Finally, after a few more hours of tinkering she came up with Josh Groban's "My Confession." As she listened to the lyrics it fit her and Noah perfectly she just needed a few days to get it right so that she could finally reveal her heart.

Author's Note: Josh Groban's "My Confession " and Rascal Flatt's" The Day Before You" don't belong to me I'm just borrowing them. As always everything belongs to RM I'm just borrowing his charters.


	22. Chapter 22

Author's Note: Josh Groban's "My Confession " and Rascal Flatt's" The Day Before You" don't belong to me I'm just borrowing them. As always everything belongs to RM I'm just borrowing his charters.

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 22

One Week Later

Rachel walked into McKinley with a bounce in her step. She finally felt like a new person. She finally felt ready to move on. She just hoped Noah would love what she was doing.

She had been locking herself away in Shelby's music room this last week and had even been avoiding everyone so that her surprise would not be ruined. Now she was ready to let everyone to see what she had been working on for so long and so hard.

She arrived at the choir room 15 minutes early so that she could talk to Mr. Schuester and the band about what she wanted to do. She slowly walked over to his office and knocked on the door softly.

"Come in." He said and Rachel slowly entered.

"Mr. Shue can I talk to you about something?" Rachel signed.

Will had been taking classes once he learned one of his students needed it to communicate.

"Sure Rachel."

He had seen what Rachel had been through and he knew that everything for her had changed. He hadn't been involved in the situation as of late, but he had heard from Puck that Shelby had finally become the parent Rachel had always longed for and that she had even been given full custody by the Berry men. He also learned that Rachel was truly happy for once in her life, which he was extremely grateful to Shelby for. He was brought around from his musings by Rachel lightly knocking on his desk.

"Oh yes Rachel sorry."

"It's okay Mr. Shue." She signed, smiling at him.

"What can I do for you?

"I want to preform something in glee for Noah. I've been working on it all week. I've converted Josh Groban's "My Confessions" to a piano piece and I would like to preform it."

"Rachel of course you can perform! You are still a big part of this club and you always will be. I'm just glad you want to start performing again; we've missed you."

Rachel had tears on the verge of spilling over at his kind words.

"Thank you Mr. Shue."

"You're welcome Rachel."

Rachel left the office with a smile on her face and hope in her heart. She spoke with the Jazz Band leader about backing her up during her performance and he agreed to do whatever she needed.

Rachel sat in her usual spot waiting for the rest of the glee club to arrive. They arrived right on time and all of a sudden Rachel got nervous about what she was about to do. When she realized she did not see Noah, she caught Quinn's eye and jotted down a note to her "Where's Noah?"

"He said he had a surprise for you so he is going to be a few minutes late."

Quinn noticed how nervous Rachel was.

"Rachel are you okay? What's going on?"

"Quinn I'm fine, okay? I promise." She wrote down.

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I am."

Just Rachel's nerves where increasing tenfold in walked Puck with a lazy smile on his face.

"Sorry I'm late Mr. Shue. I've been working on something I'd like to sing right now if that's okay?"

"Sure Puck go ahead." The teacher answered.

Puck spoke to the band and they began the opening bars to Rascal Flatts "The Day Before You."

"I had all but given up

On finding the one that I could fall into

On the day before you

I was ready to settle for

Less than love and not much more

There was no such thing as a dream come true

Oh, but that was on the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing

Suddenly life means so much

I can't wait to wake up tomorrow

And find out this promise is true

I will never have to go back to

The day before you

In your eyes I see forever

It makes me wish that my life never knew

The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you

Were shapin' my heart for the day that I found you

You're the reason for all that I've been through

Then I'm thankful for the day before you-

yeah, yeah

Now you're here and everything's changing

Suddenly life means so much

I can't wait to wake up tomorrow

And find out this promise is true

I will never have to go back to

The day before you

Was the last day that I ever lived alone

And I'm never goin' back

No, I'm never goin' back

Now you're here and everything's changing

Suddenly life means so much

I can't wait to wake up tomorrow

And find out this promise is true

I will never have to go back to

Yeah, I will never have to go back to

The day before you, the day before you."

As Puck poured his heart into the song Rachel started to tear up. She finally knew how Noah felt. She felt as if her heart could literally soar.

As Noah sang the last line of the song he got down on his knees in front of Rachel. He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes speaking straight from his heart.

"Rachel, sweetheart, I am so in love with you. Babe, I can't breathe without you beside me. So I want to ask you to be my girlfriend and I also plan to spend the rest of my life with if you'll have me?"

Puck could see the emotions playing in her eyes as she smiled. Rachel got up and went over to the piano and signed so that Noah could see "This is my answer."

Mr. Shue hit the lights at Rachel's nod.

As Rachel played the bars of Josh Groban's "My Confession," a powerpoint lit up the room with the words that Rachel wished she could say herself.

I have been blind, unwilling to see  
>The true love you're giving.<br>I have ignored every blessing.  
>I'm on my knees confessing<p>

That I feel myself surrender  
>Each time I see your face.<br>I am staggered by your beauty,  
>Your unassuming grace.<br>And I feel my heart is turning,  
>Falling into place.<br>I can't hide  
>Now hear my confession.<p>

I have been wrong about you.  
>Thought I was strong without you.<br>For so long nothing could move me.  
>For so long nothing could change me.<br>Now I feel myself surrender  
>Each time I see your face.<br>I am captured by your beauty,  
>Your unassuming grace.<br>And I feel my heart is turning,  
>Falling into place.<br>I can't hide  
>Now hear my confession.<p>

You are the air that I breathe.  
>You're the ground beneath my feet.<br>When did I stop believing?

Cause I feel myself surrender  
>Each time I see your face.<br>I am staggered by your beauty,  
>Your unassuming grace.<br>And I feel my heart  
>Falling into place.<br>I can't hide  
>Now hear my confession.<br>I can't hide  
>Now hear my confession.<br>Hear my confession

Puck could feel the love pour out of Rachel and as the final notes played by the rest of the band she got up and gave him a kiss that gave into all her emotions. As they came up for air, they could hear the glee club cheering.

Without saying anything else to each other Rachel and Noah knew they held each other's hearts.


	23. Chapter 23

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 23

Three weeks later:

Over the last weeks Noah and Rachel were inseparable. Most of all they were happy being together. Noah was spending a ton of time at Rachel and Shelby's. He finally felt as if he was part of a family. He was even getting to spend time with Beth which made his heart finally whole, but on the other hand he was also worried about Rachel. One minute she was happy the next she was depressed and weepy.

He knew that it was partly because of her pregnancy hormones, but he also knew she wasn't dealing with what happened. She was putting up a front for everyone else. It felt as if she was distancing herself from everyone.

He noticed whenever anyone asked about the baby or how she was feeling she shut down. He knew Rachel needed to talk to someone in the very near future before she felt like she couldn't be pulled back from the darkness. She needed more help than even Miss Pillsbury could provide. She needed a professional therapist that has dealt the kind of trauma Rachel was dealing with.

He knew he needed to speak with Shelby without Rachel which would be an obstacle as Rachel lately had a habit of not leaving the house but for school. She avoided hanging out with anyone in public and he had his suspicions why.

As her pregnancy progressed, she became more closed off she was now close to four months along and had a small bump which wasn't that noticeable unless you knew she was pregnant. But to Rachel it was very noticeable and on many occasions she stated that she felt like a whale. No matter how many times he reassured her that she was so beautiful she would just roll her eyes and stomp way .

The other point of argument was that she wasn't showing any effort to bond with the baby. She went to doctor's appointment but she wouldn't even look at the sonogram. She wouldn't even acknowledge the technician or what they were doing and telling her.

He knew she was trying her best but he also knew she was drowning in grief and pain for what she lost. What broke Noah's heart most was that Rachel didn't believe that she had a bright future ahead of her.

She felt without her voice, she had nothing to contribute to the world. She also felt that she had no one to turn to that understood what she was going through.

Noah had done some research on support groups around Ohio and from what he gathered, there was one in Akron that met twice a week. The doctor's biography stated that she had a PhD in psychology and had written many articles on dealing with similar issues in support groups to what Rachel was experiencing.

Her name was Dr. Mary Ryan and when Noah had called to inquire about the group she was very understanding about Rachel's situation. He also explained about Shelby and how he was contacting her because Shelby wanted to help Rachel but she kept pushing her and Beth away.

So here Noah was now, standing outside Shelby's office. He knocked on the door.

"Come in."

"Shelby I found a support group for Rachel."

"Really? Where?"

"Akron and her name is Dr. Mary Ryan and she's dealt with women in similar situations to Rachel's many times before and is willing to work with Rachel one on one as well. The support group meets Monday and Wednesday 5 to 7 p.m. It's after glee and in a town where no one knows her so she can be anonymous. "

"Thank you Noah for setting this up because she won't speak to anyone and I can tell it's killing her slowly on the inside."

"I know it is."

"I just want my daughter happy again."

"I want her happy too."

"How are we going to get her to go to one on one sessions and this group?"

"It's simple I'll drive her, stay with her and bring her home. As for the one on one session, I'll wait in the waiting room and bring her home. She'll be having one on one sessions on Thursdays."

"I really hope this helps her heal Noah."

"So do I Shelby. "


	24. Chapter 24

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 24

Rachel felt as if she was tangled in knots and that her emotions we're on a rollercoaster ride. She felt isolated from her friends but she didn't know how to accomplish asking for help. She felt that if she didn't act as if everything was okay that she would fall to pieces.

She knew she wasn't handling everything like she should but she was trying her best. To her it felt as if her life was over and that she didn't have control over her own body any longer.

She felt as if she was living an out of body experience with an alien in her body. She felt as if she couldn't connect with this baby or deal with the trauma because it was too much change too quickly.

Rachel wished this had never happened to her it was never in her to plans to have a baby at 18. She had dreams and hopes Broadway, and winning Tony awards: never being a teenage mother. She truly thought she was a Lima loser.

She also didn't know how to express her feelings any longer to anyone. It felt as if people were walking on eggshells around her and she just wanted to be treated as she was before like any normal teenager.

Rachel had decided that moment that if she wanted to be everything to go back to normal the way it was before she would need to be open to letting her friends and family help her and the open to people again and let them help where they could.

What Rachel wanted was to finally feel happy again. So she knew she needed to talk to her mom about finally getting some kind of help.


	25. Author's Note

Shattering Secrets Author's Note:

Dear Readers,

I have lost my beta for this story. I would like someone that is good with grammar and has been reading the story all along as well. If anyone is interested please e-mail me a kaliasgirl gmail .com please put in the subject line beta shattering secrets so it won't get filtered to my spam folder.

TVHollywoodDiva


	26. Chapter 25

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 25

A few days later:

Puck was nervous that he and Shelby needed to speak to Rachel before the first therapy appointment session that Shelby had set up for her on Wednesday. Puck had agreed with her, that Rachel needed one on one session before they even mentioned talking about what she had been through in a group setting.

Shelby herself had spoken with Dr. Ryan and felt that she was the best person to help in this situation. She and she also knew sign language so that she could communicate with Rachel without needing an interpreter. Which Shelby hoped meant that Rachel might feel more comfortable and willing to work with Dr. Ryan without another stranger in the room to help communicate her story.

Shelby was worried about her daughter, she knew what Rachel had been through and that it had been traumatic, but she knew that underneath all the pain Rachel was trying to come back to them. She might not be able to sing any longer but Shelby many nights she heard Rachel playing the piano in her music room.

She would play for hours, and Shelby even heard her crying most nights and that made her heart break for her daughter that is why she hoped that Rachel would be receptive to getting help.

Now she just had to think of the perfect way of how to word the conversation. She also knew that Puck needed to be part of the conversation to support Rachel in to help her see that they were doing this because they loved her.

She hoped Rachel would just listen to them both. She decided to call Puck and get his opinion about how to approach this conversation.

The phone rang, Puck in the middle of a call of duty battle with Finn and Mike, but once he heard the ringtone he set for Shelby's calls and Rachel's texts he immediately stopped what he was doing in an instant and picked up the call.

"Shelby what's wrong?"

" Nothing's wrong Noah Rachel is fine I just needed to speak with you about something I have been hearing Rachel play the piano most nights in our music room and crying I think we need to speak with her today about getting help."

"I will be over in 10 minutes where Rachel is now?"

"She's in her room asleep?"

"Okay see if you can get her to eat and maybe talk to you."

"I will thank you Noah."

Meanwhile upstairs, Rachel was trying to control her breathing because she had just woken up from a horrible nightmare. All she wanted to do was scream but when she opened her mouth not one sound emerged like a hundred times before. She was so angry that she got out of bed and threw a star statue at the mirror at the end of her bed.

Shelby meanwhile, was hanging up the phone from her conversation with Puck, when she hears shattering glass break from Rachel's room. Without a second thought she races upstairs taking the stairs two at a time.

When she enters Rachel's room, what she is met with breaks her heart Rachel is surrounded by shattered glass rocking back and forth with her knees up to her chest. Shelby kneels in front of Rachel and pulls her into an embrace but Rachel scoots out of her reach. Shelby decides to try another tactic.

"Rachel honey its mom I promise you that you are home and that you are safe and in your room."

Rachel doesn't respond to her mother and Shelby sees the lost look in her daughter's eyes. She decides just to sit beside Rachel and she hopes that she can come out of the trance that she is in.

Meanwhile, Puck has arrived and when Shelby doesn't answer the door he uses the spare key she gave him to enter the house when he doesn't see anyone in the family room he gets worried but then he hears sobbing and he races upstairs as he enters Rachel's bedroom he sees Rachel and Shelby surrounded by broken glass shards and a broken mirror in the corner of the room.

"What happened in here?"

Shelby looks up from comforting Rachel at the intrusion. She is relieved to see Puck.

"She woke up from a nightmare and threw that trophy over there at the mirror I was downstairs when I heard the glass shattering I came upstairs to see what happened and she was like this."

"Why don't you take her downstairs and I will clean up this mess."

"Thank You Noah."

Shelby carefully lifted Rachel into her arms and cradled like a baby and took her downstairs while Puck worked on cleaning up the mess he just hoped that once Rachel was calm and back with them that they could finally get her the help she needed desperately.


	27. Chapter 26

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 26

Shelby was sitting on the sofa rocking Rachel back and forth. Fortunately her sobs had calmed to hiccups.

"Shhh baby it's okay moms got you, you're okay I promise."

Rachel finally calmed down enough to pull away from her mother's embrace. She looked up and gave her a small smile. Without saying a word Rachel melted into her mother's embrace once again.

Shelby saw the lost look in her daughter's eyes and her damp cheeks but, it felt good that Rachel was finally comfortable enough to seek comfort with her. She just started humming a lullaby to get Rachel to stay calm. Finally, she felt Rachel shift and look up at her once again. She saw the broken look that was on her daughter's face earlier was still there.

"What's the matter sweetie?" Shelby asked, concerned.

Rachel slowly signed, "I felt the baby move today and I guess what happened to me in New York finally became more real. I mean I know it did because of the scar around my throat, but until now the baby was just something that was there. When I felt it move everything became real and I just lost it. It hit me that monster left me with a person to take care of, a responsibility that I never asked for. However, I also know that in my heart of hearts I cannot blame this child for any of this because it is innocent and it's not their fault that they were created because of an act of violence against me. But mom, I'm not sure I can raise this baby."

Shelby sat quietly for a moment, letting Rachel's confession sink in. She could understand why her daughter felt so torn.

"Rachel sweetie it's okay to feel what you are feeling. I can't say I understand, because I have never gone what you have gone through, but you don't have to be strong and put together all of the time. It's ok to break down sometimes."

Rachel lets her mother's words sink in, then takes a deep breath and continues their conversation.

"I feel as if I no longer have control over anything in my life and every time I think I do something sets me back to square one again."

Shelby feels as if she finally had the opening she needed to convince Rachel to get help.

"Rachel, sweetie, there is something I think we need to talk about. There is a doctor that runs a support group for sexual assault victims twice a week. It's on Monday and Wednesdays, she also knows sign language and is willing to work with you one on one if a group setting is too much for you right now."

Rachel gave her mother a look of relief that she can meet with the therapist one on one. "What's the doctor's name? I don't think I would be able to talk with a man about this, mom." Rachel signs then looks down, fiddling with her hands. Her mother tilts her face up to make Rachel look at her then answers, "Her name is Dr. Mary Ryan, I kinda figured that you would prefer a female therapist for this." Shelby smiled.

"I have already set meeting up if you want to meet with her. It's for tomorrow at 3 p.m. I can take you or Noah can, whichever you prefer."

Rachel was a tad overwhelmed, but grateful her mother had set up this for her and she finally felt like she had a ray of hope in her life again. Rachel smiled at her mother and that was Shelby's sign is that they were finally turning the corner out of this darkness.


	28. Chapter 27 Part 1

**A/N: Hello to all my lovely readers sorry it has taken me so long to update I've had this chapter written out long hand for a while but just wasn't happy with it. So I have decided to split chapter 27 into two parts because I have so much planned for it and Rachel's starting her road to recovery.**

**A/N 2: I have lost my beta for this story and am looking for a new one if you are interested please send me a private message.**

**TVHollywoodDiva**

Shattering Secrets

Chapter 27 Part I

Rachel was nervous, today was the first meeting with Dr. Ryan and she wasn't sure how it was going to go.

She truthfully hadn't spoken to anyone outside of her friends about the incident and they really only knew the basics. She was afraid to go into further detail with them because she didn't want them to pity her.

Honestly, she was grateful the person that she would be going in depth with only knew her from this new starting point and not her old life. She was hoping that it would be easier to talk to someone she has a clean slate with.

Noah had agreed to drive her to the appointment and not leave the waiting room until she was done. Everyone could tell something was bothering Rachel so when they would engage her in conversation they tried to keep it light and fun. Rachel was grateful for their efforts but she just wanted time to move faster.

Finally after what felt like the longest school day in a while Noah's truck pulled up outside Dr. Ryan's office. Rachel took a deep breath and looked out at the looming building in front of her, without needing to say a word Puck reaches over and grabs her hand and squeezes it softly.

"Rachel it's going to be okay Dr. Ryan is going to help you and not pressure you into anything."

Rachel looks up and gives sad smile and slowly released Noah's grip. She looks up at him with tears pooling in her eyes.

"I just never wanted to be that vulnerable again or that raw."

Puck reaches over and embraces Rachel trying to give her reassurance.

"Baby I promise everything will be okay."

Rachel finally nods and makes a move to get out of the truck, and Puck goes around and opens the door guiding her inside the building.

As entered the waiting room Puck could feel Rachel tense up he placed his hand on her back and rubbed it to calm her nervous energy. As they were next in line, when Puck heard the receptionist call for the next person he stepped up and spoke for Rachel.

"I'm here with Rachel Berry to see Dr. Ryan."

The receptionist gave him a small smile and then looks at the timid girl beside him she was looking down at the ground and lost in her own little the world. She had seen many girls like Rachel come through those doors and then in a short time Dr. Ryan has worked her magic and these girls seem happy and healthy again. She hoped the same would happen for Rachel. She shook her self out of her reprieve and focused back on the couple in front of her.

"Dr. Ryan with you in a moment please just takes a seat."

"Thank you."

Puck led Rachel to the chairs but never lost contact keeping study comfortable grip around her.


	29. Author's Note 2

Dear Shattering Secrets Reads,

I wanted to let you know that I have not given up on writing this story I just have been suffering from major writer's block and my current beta and I are also rewriting previous chapter to make them flow better and the story more realistic. I also have been getting some nasty reviews when it comes to this story and I truly find that dishearten because I love to share my stories with you all. I hope you are willing to stick with and I promise an update soon.

TVHollywoodDiva


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